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Okay Gang, so I went to enter my first post when the following event occurred in my own personal life and I couldn’t help letting it skip ahead since it’s was perfect for this venue. You’ll soon read why. I’m so damn excited about this blog and its launch but the farther I seem to go, the behinder I get. One of the reasons I started this blog in the first place is the many rants racing around my head that really need a place “to be.” To be nurtured and cared for and whatever. Hey, if Oprah can do it so can I, even if I have to pay a couple of bucks to do it. My point is, and I do have one like Ellen DeGeneres made it a point to say and titling one of her books by that very name, is that I have many ideas slated for this blog’s site and this one decided to cut ahead in line, all on it’s own. Just yesterday. Here’s what happened to me and my family:
As I called for him/her after he/she rang the doorbell, he/she just kept on walking with his/her back turned to me and never gave me the time of day. I could tell this was an act of aggressive behavior because I know this person could hear me. The androgynous figure from Met Ed with their back facing me acknowledged my presence but kept walking. I suppose it’s just in their job description to simply keep walking and avoid any confrontation regardless of any circumstances whatsoever even though they ring your doorbell so you’ll come to fetch the paperwork left wedged in the door handle. I also suppose they’re told their customers should be treated no better than street dogs or laboratory mice and the likes. This, my friends, is a commentary of what’s known as the despicable practice of due process on the part of our public utility commissions.
Well it is sure funny how eager they [the power companies] are to take your money and turn power off for non-payment over a whopping $272.84 total balance due, yet when you want to explain there’s a person with a disability living on the premises, well then they just don’t have the time of day for you.
Why? Most likely because they’re too busy running off to the next poor victim of the economy, rather the DEPRESSION and turn off their power. Oh yes, you heard me right. A DEPRESSION. THIS IS A DEPRESSION despite what those in our nation’s capitol have done to revamp the system by convincing us otherwise and continuing to call it a recession. But that’s a matter I’ll take up on another day when I’m really in a mood to go head to head.
Now please indulge me as I explain a few things before we get to your comments. My husband pays this particular bill and paying bills is not one of his strong suits. Clearly. His attitude is, “Oh well, shit happens. We’ll just fix it.” Whereas mine is, “Helloooooooo, have we met? I’m Mr. O-C-D. THIS DIDN’T NEED TO HAPPEN!” So he [my husband] calls the power company to arrange full payment of the full outstanding balance and to explain the whole ‘disabled’ thing in the hope it would speed up the restoration. Once again Glinda thinks it’s amusing how quickly the power company moves when taking money but so slow to restore the power. Well Glinda is here to warn you all not to keep hope alive when it comes to power companies and a speedy restoration because it was over 21 hours before a different field rep came by to turn the power back on. I think we all know what over 21 hours of non-electric-Amish-style-good-old-fashioned-may-as-well-sit-with-your-thumb-up-your-ass-21-hours feels like, don’t we? I know y’all are now getting used to my style and wit, but that’s whatchya call rhetorical. So don’t bother to answer that one. Well karma’s a bitch, power companies, and it comes and goes for everyone and everything.
Now for the good part of the story… The very next day, Glinda is up bright and early after a long night of darkness, waiting for the arrival of the merry, faithful, humble and obedient servant of the Lord of the Douches. (Of which there are many. We have all met many along our journey. But I digress.) As quickly as I can, I summon his attention. And this time Glinda has him in her clutches. So like Dr. Seuss‘ little Cindy Lou Who, I said meekly unto him, “Why didn’t you stop when I called for you yesterday,” actually using an even-tone as not to scare the creature away since my work with him wasn’t quite over.
Well the story has a happy and a not-so-happy ending. The not-so-happy ending being I practically begged the second rep who came to restore my service to find out the name of the person who treated me so poorly so I could report them by name to their supervisor. Let’s face it, in all actuality I wanted it for the purpose of this blog post but who’s to say. That fucktard is the one that couldn’t take one minute from his/her day to answer my question or two about how to resolve my dilemma and prevent it from happening in the future considering there’s a person with a disability living in the house. And if he had been the one to come back that next day, I would have said my peace and concluded our business by saying, “Now be off with you or I’ll simply cut the power of your manhood from between your legs. NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY!”
Well, in my glindalistic world I kinda sorta wish it went that way, but I do have a reputation to uphold after all, or do I? I don’t care as long as the truth and nothin’ but the truth gets out. And the message in all of this is treat people with dignity because we don’t all mean to be in these predicaments sometimes. Like my husband says, sometimes shits happens. And one day shit just might come back to the fucktard at the power company and Glinda help his soul because as All-Star Survivor Susan Hawk said to her fellow contestants, some of the people we share our planet with act like vultures, snakes and rats. And all I can say to you, Fucktard, is “NO WATER FOR YOU!”
Again, for you girls whose wives, husbands, or significant others forte is not bill paying, I can relate. Hopefully they make up for it in other parts of your relationship if you know what I mean, wink, wink. And if they don’t, THEN KICK ‘EM TO THE CURB! What the hell are they good for! Take a piece of advice from yours truly and let me ask you a question, “What are you, there for? To be their mommy?” Glinda don’t play that game.
As Glinda’s glistening bubble readies to ascend her swiftly to the skies above until the next post, I say thank you power companies, near and far, for your patience and willingness to help those who are truly at the and of their rope searching for the light at the end of the tunnel that thankfully we didn’t have to pay to drive through like the Lincoln or Holland Tunnels in the Great State of New Jersey from which I hail (or should I say Oz… oops, ‘my bad.) Or maybe we already have.
Now onward with your comments, my faithful readers.
Ta ta for now,