© Can Stock Photo Inc. / karenr
[L] Strong Language: This blog may not be suitable for all visitors. Some material may contain sensitive subject matter including adult language. Thank you.
Be warned of those prize patrol vans that are NOT showing up at your door with those humongous grand prize checks and balloons. For the life of me I can’t figure out how they get away with it for so long. Granted, there are some reputable mail-order houses out there. In fact I’m quite fond of one of them and I even find their products terrific, but in reality I don’t expect my doorbell to ring anytime soon with one of their grand prizes.
HOWEVER, recently my mailbox hath runneth over with offers from companies in the Midwest mostly, advising me that I can win a million dollars if I send them a modest fee of $12 to upwards of $25 in some cases. Fans and friends of Glinda I ask you: Do you know how many vulnerable, desperate people in today’s economy will take their last $12-25 and look up to the Lord and say, “Please, let it be me!”?
There are countless victims everyday my friends. And this bullshit has to stop. I never thought I would see the day when the world be as fucked-up as it is today, but we’ve all got to make our way through these tough times and these fucktards aren’t helping any. They are common criminals and this is organized crime of some sort because it’s happening right under our very eyes! It’s being delivered to our homes in our mailboxes which means the United States Postal Service approves of it to some degree since it hasn’t been detected by our ace government officials as fraud yet. For Pete’s sake, if Glinda can figure this shit out, maybe I should be running the CIA or FBI or AA or ABC or XYZ or whatever the fuck else!
Let me explain how this whole bitch-fest started. A couple of months ago, your Queen of The Bitches, The Bitch that all other bitches report to, received one these bullshit prize notifications in the mail. Well boy oh boy, was I thrilled! Yeah, right. NOT! You know why? Because something about it didn’t sit right with me. And when your gut tells you something, LISTEN! So I decided to put my little Glinda, P.I. hat on and guess what I found out? A Google search revealed the scumbag company showed up on Ripoff Reports (www.ripoffreport.com/) within a matter of milliseconds. Color me surprised.
A few weeks later I received another one. ‘Tis must be the season. I figured this deserved a write-up to my faithful fans after a bit of research. I am amazed at the number of douche-ey companies out there taking advantage of anyone who will drop a couple of dollars in an envelope hoping their prayers will be answered. And I even found a company that alleges to actually maintain an inventory but receives nothing but complaints according to the Better Business Bureau and Ripoff Report from customers who don‘t receive ordered merchandise, or return phone calls, or refunds, et ceteras. your or you go to sites like Ripoff and read comments from the people who post them . But the truth of the matter is this. These fucktards are out there bilking honest citizens globally out of their hard-earned money. Honest, but poor single women with children, single men with children, the elderly, you name it… they’ll stop at no class in particular. The people who own and work for these companies can’t possibly have scruples or moral compasses or souls that hail from anywhere north of Hell’s toll plaza because if they did they wouldn‘t sleep at night.
At Ripoff Report and other sites like it, victims and concerned citizens alike write in from all over the world/globe in devastation over how they were conned out of money thinking they had either won or been duped into thinking they had an awful good chance of winning based on some clever writing or gimmick. In other words these assholes who prey on these perfect targets that they most certainly bought their names from other real organizations. So much for privacy. Another matter that should be brought before the Supreme Court. Or should it wait until these douche bags have drained every one of us of every penny we have before [they] do something about it; such as when traffic lights are finally installed at dangerous intersections.
There’s this one outfit in Texas and another in Kansas who are relentless in their marketing efforts and collecting nominal fees to the tune of between $5, $10 and $25 implying that your life will somehow change if all you do is send in the relatively small fee required to process and handle the paperwork necessary that could potentially change your life.
Can you say, “Asstards?” You know how much Glinda enjoys coining new words. Asstard, n. a person, male or female, who acts irresponsible and reckless in their behavior where social graces, common etiquette, and/or their general disregard for fellow humans is concerned.
So how can we do our part? Well your good ol’ gal Glinda has come up with at least part of the solution. It may not fix the entire problem, but it’ll screw ‘em six ways ‘til Sunday until the feds or other regulatory bodies have their turn giving it to them up the ass. Now listen up guys and dolls because this is what we all have to do, so off we go:
Step 1. Google the entity to be sure the offer is fraudulent. Ripoff Report and Snopes are two really good sources if you’re not sure where to start.
Step 2. Be sure to remove your name and address, barcodes. and anything else on the document that can be traced back to you on the document. (THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.)
Now this is where it really gets fun, so pay attention.
Step 3. Across the body using a relatively thick black magic marker, (Sharpie is my choice brand) write the words, “SCAMMING FUCKTARDS!”
Then, just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, it does.
Step 4. Copy the address only to the return-address portion of the convenient envelope they provided for you. DO NOT WRITE THE NAME OF THE COMPANY BECAUSE THIS CAN RAISE A RED FLAG TO THE POSTAL SERVICE. And be certain NOT to include postage when dropping the letter in the postbox. That way, when they receive it, expecting more moolah to fatten their undeserving bank accounts, what they will get is a bill from the Postmaster telling them to cough-up the .46 cents for postage due since someone has to pay for the time and expense of the US Postal Service for delivering the letter to them. And since it can’t be traced back to anyone else, they have to pick up the tab. So fuck you, each and everyone of you, you asstard-sweepstake-fucktards (Nicole, should I capitalize any of that “asstard-sweepstake-fucktards?”) who screw and scam hardworking citizens and rob them of their dreams. Fuck you all! Or Fuck all of you!
Ta ta for now,